Kingdom Hearts Transcript (Episode 10)
Malificent: So Riku, we're sending you on a mission. An evil mission of EVIL! Riku: What do you want me to do? Burn down an entire civilization? Slaughter innocent surveillance? Wreak havoc and cause chaos? Malificent: I want you to go inside a giant whale and kidnap a puppet. (Cricket chirp) Riku: What the hell was that? Malificent: And as a reward for your loyalty, we have killed the one you call Kairi. Riku: Finally! Malificent: Well we tried. We slit her throat, she just bled for a while then got knocked out, then she got up and started giggling. I was so scared that I bit the head clean off one of my Barbie dolls. Riku: Oh I've been there. (Back when Sora and Riku were children...) Narrator: FLASHBACK! Riku: Sora what do you think we'll be like when we're older? Sora: A couple? Riku: What? Sora: Best friends? Riku: So anyway, you'll never guess what I saw yesterday. Sora: What? Riku: I saw a really ugly bird ripping apart a live fish. Sora: So speaking of Kairi, is it just me or are you getting really sick of her? Riku: Totally. Sora: Wow we're eight years old and we're already sick of girls. Riku: What? Sora: Best friends! Riku: Well uhh anyway, I'm thinking we could leave her in this cave. Sora: Wow this is perfect Riku. How long do you think we should leave her in here for? Riku: I think we should leave her in here until our voices break. (Voice starts to break) Sora: Riku: What happened to your...AAAAAH...mine didn't change that much. Riku: Aww damnit now I have to think of an entirely different plan. Sora: Awwww. Hey Riku, you met that new girl who moved into town recently? Riku: No not yet...wait isn't that Kairi? Sora: Yeah...wait what? Riku: This is a very poorly planned flashback. Sora: Best friends? Riku: Don't touch me. (End of flashback) Riku: Well that was a very random flashback. Narrator: OPENING SEQUENCE! (Opening sequence) Sora: No...no...the next episode will be out when we're darn ready. Goofy: Erm Sora? Why did you fly us in here? Sora: I've always wanted to save the Zora princess. Donald: You F***TARD!!! Sora: Well we should get looking for that Zora sapphire. (item lands in front of him) AAAH!! Found it! Goofy: (Sarcasm) Oh yes because that is such sapphire, that is the most spherical sapphire I mean what a sapphire. Donald: Wow you must be a female dog beast because you're a b****! Sora: Pardon me you but have you seen the Zora princess? Hey you don't look like a Zora. Pinocchio: I thought you were Sora. Donald: Oh it's just Pinocchio. Goofy: How do you know that? Donald: I watched the movie. Jiminy: Pinocchio is that you? Sora: What the hell is on my shoulder? Jiminy: Come on everyone, after him, quick. Sora: What the hell are you? (Monstro logo) (Slap) Sora: Oww damnit! What was that for? Goofy: I dunno, we haven't done it in a while. Gepetto: Oh what is that you got there Pinocchio? Pinocchio: With this, we can get outta here father. Gepetto: But this is one gummi block. We need about another five hundred of these, a pilot, an energy source, an engine and a cockpit. Pinocchio: Daddy I'm trying. Gepetto: Not hard enough my boy. Sora: I wonder if these guys can help us. Gepetto: Ooo dinner. Welcome to my ship, would you like to see the kitchen? Sora: Actually yes. Gepetto: Oh where are my manners? I'm Gepetto and I'm Pinocchio's father. Sora: Is he your biological son? Gepetto: Yes I'm quite the tree humper. Sora: Don't you mean hugger? Gepetto: Sadly no. I'm such a good father to him. I only beat him whenever he's got stuff wrong, or when he THINKS he's got stuff wrong, or when I think he's got stuff wrong, or when neither of us think he's got stuff wrong, or even when I'm bored, and we're stuck in a whale, so that's quite a lot! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go cook this giant green potato. Donald: I thought you were Italian. Gepetto: Yes but the voice actors couldn't make up their minds. Yes it's quite peculiar and all, makes me want to beat Pinocchio up all day long. Narrator: TEN MINUTES LATER!!! Pinocchio: NO! I'm never going back! Sora: Okay we killed him. No one's gonna beat you anymore. Goofy: I might. Sora: Okay Goofy might and we might join in. In fact, the three of us have plans for the rest of the afternoon. Pinocchio: Sora wait, I found a pilot and a new father. Riku: Well well well, what are you doing here? Sora: Riku! My one true love! Donald: I think I just found the Zora princess. Sora: Hey shut up! Riku: To the buttass mobile. Pinocchio: Yes father. Malificent: So did you bring me my puppet? Riku: Erm yeah but for some reason, he thinks I'm his father. Malificent: That's because you ARE his father. Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuuun! Riku: What the hell are you talking about? Malificent: Sorry, there was a Star Wars marathon last night. Riku: Wait what? Malificent: But now that you given me what I want, I now see absolutely no reason for you to leave. Riku: Wait, excuse me? Malificent: Goodbye. Riku: Get back here! You didn't even take the puppet! Pinocchio: I did it! I'm finally free...(Gets stuck in Cage Parasite) Oh God damnit! I'm stuck in an ulcer! (Intermission) Narrator: Pain? Itching? Bloated? And you not just fat? You might have a stomach ulcer. A big happy stomach ulcer. You should take Sora, Donald and Goofy. Donald: How does it WORK?! Narrator: Well Sora, Donald and Goofy go in a little glass vial. Sora: A little glass vial? (Little glass vial song) Narrator: And Sora, Donald and Goofy goes somewhere against your anatomy. Goofy: And the gun goes off and sparks and you're ready for surgery? Narrator: No, the ulcer's gone you reatard. (We are SO sorry!!!) Gepetto: Okay Mr. Riku, I will trade you my only son in exchange for getting me out of here. Riku: Didn't Sora kill you? Gepetto: Oh I don't die. Sora: Heh just like Kairi. Remember Riku that day... Riku: No! I don't remember! No more flashbacks! Ever! And why would I help you out? I already have him. Gepetto: Oh bugger! Riku: Well I'm off to the stomach now. Sora: Why? Riku: Hmm good point. Sora: Wait! Riku: What? Sora: Wouldn't it be more hilarious to leave me to get beaten by the old man? Gepetto: Hey! F*** you! Riku: Okay bye Sora. Sora: Bye. Goofy: So will we go too? Sora: What? Goofy: Yeah our ship's fine, nothings been wrong with it the whole time. (Cricket chirp) Sora: Damnit Jiminy! Shut the hell up! (Slap) Oh s***! Donald: WHAT?! Sora: I think I killed him. (Cricket chirp) (Slap) Narrator: ENDING SEQUENCE!!! (Ending sequence) Narrator: I'VE HAD TOO MUCH COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...(out of breath)EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Category:Transcripts